I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
