Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
whose ass print is on the piano?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
