i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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