Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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