i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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