He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
