Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We're too hungover to prance.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
