oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
