she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
