I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
