I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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