I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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