drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
