I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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