Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
