your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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