i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
