After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
