i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
