Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
