WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
