I cockslap morals
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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