we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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