ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
