I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
