Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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