im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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