wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
