Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
