Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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