I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
