Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
