Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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