Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
