How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
