Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
and she was petting her beer can
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
