What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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