what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
