May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
