I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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