No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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