Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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