I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
