i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
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no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
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Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And then my night got REAL pukey
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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