sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
