they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
