I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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