in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
