if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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