Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
