dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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