Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
