I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
