So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
