i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize