Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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