Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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