Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
