RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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