I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
ttyl tear gas
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
