Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
