I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
