then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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