I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
