Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
