Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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