I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
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he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
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There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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