Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
