Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
