i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
