Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
