none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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