Midget sex pt 2 tonight
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
