I just made out with a guy for $7.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
