just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
