if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize