Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
