he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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