You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
