i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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