I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
