i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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