HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
