I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
