Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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