What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
