I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
