I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
