new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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