I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
