just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
