If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
