i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize