Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
they're like a gay fantastic four
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
