Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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